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Melissa Steussy
Melissa Steussy

1.94K Followers

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Published in Black Bear

·6 days ago

I Wish You Were Never Born

And other words that sting — My mother said on multiple occasions when I was a young girl “If it weren’t for you I would commit suicide,” What does that even mean? Why is life so bad? Minimum wage Abusive boyfriends Low-income apartments Food stamps Addiction Mental Illness Why could she never Find her worth? Do…

Mental Health

2 min read

I Wish You Were Never Born
I Wish You Were Never Born
Mental Health

2 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Mar 8

I Remember This From Last Time

Lying on the floor — It was hard to breathe I had to make all of these decisions on my own My mother needed me to be a mother to her I needed to be a mother to myself and my young son You decided to leave And I fell to the floor Money makes…

Mother Wound

2 min read

I Remember This From Last Time
I Remember This From Last Time
Mother Wound

2 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Mar 6

What Is Fun? She asked.

A story about hypervigilance — They asked her if she had fun and she shrugged her shoulders not knowing the word’s meaning. She may have laughed and let loose a little but that shadow still loomed over her. Her guard was never down. What is fun? She asked. They said fun is when you enjoy…

Hypervigilance

3 min read

What Is Fun? She asked.
What Is Fun? She asked.
Hypervigilance

3 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 22

A Drop Hasn’t Touched My Lips

In 25 years — In 25 years 5 years, 5 times I have yet to let a drink Cross these Rosy lips They have smiled And frowned They have grimaced Out of pain And discomfort They have cried out For a drop But the reserve Was strong And abstinence Won out Day After day …

Sobriety

1 min read

A Drop Hasn’t Touched My Lips
A Drop Hasn’t Touched My Lips
Sobriety

1 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 17

The Letter I Wrote And Never Mailed

To my newly deceased grandmother — My grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago and I just found this in a drawer. I actually wish I would have sent it. So I will share it here, in case it helps another person fight toxic genealogical dysfunction:) I think I just invented that. Grandma Dolly, I…

Dysfunctional Family

3 min read

The Letter I Wrote And Never Mailed
The Letter I Wrote And Never Mailed
Dysfunctional Family

3 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 16

When I Feel Anxious

I Turn To You — I call out to you You bring me back And remind me who I really am Through your eyes I begin to see That my mind Was telling me lies Making me feel Worried Catastrophizing About what could Be But not seeing That you’ve led me this Far Not to…

Anxiety

1 min read

When I Feel Anxious
When I Feel Anxious
Anxiety

1 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 13

You Thought Things Would Be Different

Didn’t You? — You are still the same person And being on a beach in a yellow dress Is not going to change that. Did you think your fears would dissipate once You passed the line into A sunnier state? Did you think the sand was magic and would Take away your insecurities and…

Body Image

2 min read

You Thought Things Would Be Different
You Thought Things Would Be Different
Body Image

2 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 11

He Asked Me To

He asked me to go down — He asked me to wash it at 3 years old He asked me to lie on the garbage sack At 4 years old He grinded on my little body in the bed when no one was around Why was no one around Mom? He asked me to shake it And he…

Sexual Abuse

1 min read

He Asked Me To
He Asked Me To
Sexual Abuse

1 min read


Published in Black Bear

·Feb 4

I Don’t Drink Because You Died

I stopped drinking while you were alive — But barely living Tied to a hospital bed With delirium tremens My stomach pregnant With life While you clung to yours I couldn’t be strong enough for Both of us That day I floated Out As my tears Rocked me And cradled me Like I wish You could have I…

Alcoholism

2 min read

I Don’t Drink Because You Died
I Don’t Drink Because You Died
Alcoholism

2 min read


Jan 9

I Am a Recovering Addict

Is CBD off-limits? — There are so many new drinks and tasty items on the market lately. I have been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for a long time and my choices have always been so minimal, but now I have noticed how many non-alcoholic drinks are on the market. …

Cbd

2 min read

I Am a Recovering Addict
I Am a Recovering Addict
Cbd

2 min read

Melissa Steussy

Melissa Steussy

1.94K Followers

When my fingers want to, I write.

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