Jesus, Why Is Everyone Trying to Save Me?

Even at the grocery store.

Photo by Thomas Schütze on Unsplash

I need Jesus.

I feel that deeply. There is no hope in this world without knowing there is an infinite power larger than my own.

I did the classic “fall to your knees surrender” years ago after a life half-lived, believing that I wasn’t worth saving.

For years, I have fought hard to believe that I am loveable and someone worth more than a cheap romp in the sheets. I have tried to make myself feel like enough with the right clothes and cars, but inherently I have felt unworthy, shame-filled, and afraid.

I have felt empty

And alone.

I have wondered how everyone seemed like they had it all together, while I clung to a belief that someday things would be better.

I fought to overcome addiction and mental health breakdowns that wouldn’t go away with a new outfit, pair of shoes, or handbag.

I sat in rooms where others talked about their issues. While sometimes I scoffed I always felt better than when I first arrived knowing I was less alone. I wasn’t the only one suffering.

I have changed so many aspects of my life from diet to meditation and yoga. I have tried anything that has promised to lessen my anxiety…